I hate all girls vehemently.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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