I cannot find my penis.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
