I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
