There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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