Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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