We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
