I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
