K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
