Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
