she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
