the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
