he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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