but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
