you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
