It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
