just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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