dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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