It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
