Me too!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
