is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
