C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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