apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
