At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Randomize
