it's too hot outside to masturbate.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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