You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
