summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
