nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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