Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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