Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
