you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
