Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
