watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
