i would punch a child for taco bell
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
