Ambien. No doubt about it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
