I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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