ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
