i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
