tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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