I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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