i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
