In the future we'll all be gay
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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