i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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