im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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