the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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