i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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