He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
