2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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