The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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