Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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