OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need to calm my uterus...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
